Hanging my head in shame — A coward

The article below is exactly how I am feeling right now. Yes, I was 
stuck in Ipoh although I really meant to drive back to KL to reach 
KL by 1:00pm to participate in the rally, I have even got my yellow 
T-shirt ready. My car overheated, we waited for it to cool down 
before filling in water to test it again. Eventually we have to get a 
mechanic to examine it. He said we need to change the motor of the 
fan that is blowing the radiator. I have just changed the same fan 
exactly 1 month ago. We eventually only managed to get back to 
KL around 10:00pm. Lousy excuse !! I shouldn't have agreed to go 
to Ipoh in the 1st place. I feel so ashamed of myself............ 
1Christians Malaysia

July 12, 2011, Malaysia Insider

JULY 12 — I am a cyber-kaypoh, and I am a coward. I am what people call NATO — no action and talk only. I vent my displeasure only in the form of words and mostly in news portal comments.

I talk big and never have the guts to act. I support Bersih and its agenda but all I can give were stupid comments whereas what they or like-minded Malaysians most needed was physical presence or rather participation in the peaceful walk.

But fear gripped me. I failed to overcome the fear and I am quite ashamed to face my own people, let alone my God. I plough through the news portals and lots of amazing stories have come out, showing citizens taking up their democratic rights so that the country can reform for the better. And in one case, a Malaysian patriot, Baharudin Ahmad, died.

Why did I not participate? Lots of excuses. I stay in Singapore — no time to go back. I have a family to take care of — what will happen to them if I am arrested? I may lose my good-salaried job — who is going to pay the bills? I may get hurt/killed by the police and the likes of Perkasa and other extremists.

Why didn’t you wear the yellow shirt? I didn’t know there was a peaceful sit-in at Hong Lim Park. No yellow shirt. Don’t think lacking one makes any difference. I managed to talk myself out of this. Being a coward and selfish have done me in and kept me “involved” by going online for news in the comfort of my room sitting on my posh sofa.

Meanwhile, the patriots were “fighting” for a better Malaysia so that our children can have a better civil society. I would like to sincerely thank all those “fighters” and their sacrifices. Especially to the family of Baharudin Ahmad who should be considered a hero. Come this general election, I will be sure to vote in a civil government.