I disagree that you go public with your personal views and tirade about the DAP. I did not especially like the assertions you made about the DAP in The Star recently. In any divorce, both sides have faults; and going public with your side is ugly and unbecoming of any mature person!

You made a free choice to join them at your ripe and older age. I would have presumed you knew what you were doing. If you did not, please, blame yourself but not others!

Moreover you know that you are a Kedah Tunku of some standing, a well recognised corporate person and highly respected Malaysian individual. Did you really think they wanted you to come in and redefine their organisational philosophy with your version of democracy of the blue variety?

Did you really believe that you were not merely a trophy wife, much like the so many we see today? My comments are not for the purpose of engaging you in a public war of words but to request that you stop your tirades and return to the fold of the civil society change agents who have chosen to remain partisan neutral. You can become an excellent example.

Dear Ungku. I was there when they feted and welcomed you into their party at the Tropicana Club. In fact, I too was invited to join their public photography session, as with RPK and others there; but, I refused because that would mean that I buy into their philosophy of life and for life; which I still do not quite yet!

In fact, I am not ready yet to be seen publicly with any political party for that matter, as I still want to remain a civil society individual; and a free spirited activist

So Ungku, do you think you are now crying over milk that has been spilt? Did you really not know about all these features and traits regarding the DAP from a distance, and before the marriage? Did you only find them out after you are in bed with them?

Learn to accept the good, the bad, the ugly

Or, then again, maybe like in any marriage, we have to learn to accept the good, the bad, and the ugly; all as part and parcel of life choices we have already made? Such divorces are not really halal in my lexicon; when one party is a trophy spouse. If you could not consummate the marriage, is it simply their fault or was it not also partially your fault?

I think we all need to find ways to learn to agree to disagree, agreeably. To agree to disagree is always healthy. That is what debates like the MCA-Lim Guan Eng ones seek to engender. They point to and allow one to highlight disagreement and differences in perspective.

But, do we really need to use "the language of hatred" and assign 100 percent of faults to the other side's perspective? Is that not rather simplistic a world view?

NONEI now hear Dr Mahathir Mohamad too is doing the same thing. Is that not old and discarded black-and-white politics? And therefore I truly appreciate Lim Kit Siang for clarifying that he does not really hate the man, but rather his political philosophy. That is, even as much as Mahathir also hates Lee Kuan Yew and his political philosophy. Can we simply agree to disagree?

Does it not take political maturity of thought, involving one's heartfelt feelings, inclusive of one's actions in life to agree to disagree, agreeably?

That is now my only appeal to you, sir. Therefore, I am even willing to host a closed-door-no-media dialogue so that you can resolve your issues with the DAP, even if only so that we can move ahead as a nation.

My reason is simple: as much as I have no real love yet for the DAP, I do consider that they hold to more principles than most others, at least for now!

Therefore, for the sake of true national unity and moving ahead as a nation, can you as a card-carrying former senator of the DAP stop this unnecessary airing of your side of the story, and especially to the mainstream media which is a design for disaster, and with bad political intent? In life, as you also know, the means also always justify the end!

In conclusion, dear friend, my unsolicited advice is please simply resign from the DAP and return to the fold of civil society and rejoin our fight against corruption. That major issue is ignored by all political parties and we could do much with your specific leadership on this particular issue. Your reputation and fame in that arena has no rival or competition but you now seem to have lost that significance and relevance, ever since you became partisan on other issues!

In the meantime, I pray and hope that you will stop talking through the mainstream press or making any more public statements about your divorce with the DAP, and instead please allow us, the Malaysian Institute of Development and Asian Studies or Midas, to "broker a peaceful and peaceable settlement of outstanding issues".

Please believe me that you can still assume that role and still make outstanding contributions to make this country a better democracy. We can still work to realise such visions through the civil society motions and movements. Please do not fret and join us as there is much room and space for your leadership, especially in our anti-corruption movement.
KJ JOHN was in public service for 29 years. The views expressed here are his personal views and not those of any institution he is involved with. Write to him at kjjohn@ohmsi.net with any feedback or views.